Tuesday, April 1, 2014

The Fifty Shades Thief


As she turned down her street, Sarah saw numerous police cars. The closer she got, the quicker she realized that the cars were in front of her house. Panic engulfed her as she parked her car and walked over to the closest police officer. “This is my house! What happened?!,” she shrieked. “Please, hold on a second, ma’am,” the young officer replied. He walked away for a few minutes and returned with an older officer. “Hello, ma’am, I’m Lieutenant Carson. Officer Tatum says that you live here,” the older man said. “Yes. Yes, I do. I just got home from work. Please tell me what happened,” Sarah said. “Well, ma’am. Your neighbors phoned in a robbery in progress. When we arrived we found a  young man inside your home. We have him in custody,” Lt. Carson said. She glanced into the back of Officer Tatum’s car and didn’t recognize the man they had in custody. She followed the lieutenant into the house. Her living room was in shambles. Books thrown everywhere. But, only the books. Puzzled she looked at Lt Carson, “I’m not sure I understand what is going on here. The only thing touched is my books.” Lt Carson had a smirk on his face. “Well, ma’am. I believe we have the Fifty Shades Thief in custody,” he said. “The Fifty Shades Thief?,” she asked. “The only thing he steals is copies of The Fifty Shades of Grey Trilogy. He usually leaves a note behind. This time was no exception,” the Lt. said. He handed Sarah a note, “We found this on the suspect.” She opened the note. “The Fifty Shades Trilogy is smut. No man acts like this. Get a real man," the note said. Sarah couldn’t help but to laugh. "This is the most hilarious thing I have ever heard! Am I being punked or something?," Sarah said. "No ma’am, you’re not," Lt Carson said. She pleaded with him to allow her to speak to the suspect. She followed the lieutenant back out to Officer Tatum’s car. She leaned down, "Excuse me, sir. Do you seriously steal people’s copies of the Fifty Shades Trilogy?," Sarah asked. The young man shook his head yes as he looked down. "Why?," she asked as she tried not to laugh. "It’s stupid. What man tries to control every aspect of a woman’s life?," he said. She couldn’t argue with him there. That was a stupid part of the book. "Have you ever heard of a Kindle, dude?," she asked. She continued to laugh as she walked away.

© 2014 C.J. Delessio

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